Mental Health and Well-Being. Breaking the Cycle.
Do you feel like you're constantly giving to others but never receiving the same in return? Are you the one always there for friends, family, or your partner, but find they rarely show up for you? This is a common struggle for people-pleasers, especially when those you love most to begin to take your kindness for granted. While helping others can be fulfilling, when loved ones start to rely on your generosity without considering your needs, it can leave you feeling drained, unappreciated, and even resentful. It’s crucial to learn how to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being, without feeling guilty. Here’s how you can stop being taken for granted, regain control of your life, and still maintain your kindness.
1. Recognise When You're Being Taken for Granted The people closest to you, family, friends, and partners are often the ones who benefit most from your kindness. But sometimes, they might start to expect it rather than appreciate it. You might notice:
- They always turn to you for help but rarely offer assistance in return.
- They assume you’ll manage things (whether it’s planning events, solving problems, or emotional support) without even asking if you’re available or willing.
- They don’t acknowledge the effort you put in, or they simply take it as a given that you'll be there.
When loved ones begin to take you for granted, it can feel deeply personal. After all, these are the people you care about most. But it’s important to understand that you have the power to change this dynamic.
2. Set Boundaries (Even with Loved Ones) Setting boundaries with people you care about can feel scary, but it’s a critical step in ensuring your needs are met too. Many people-pleasers fear that setting limits will cause friction, especially in close relationships. However, boundaries are about creating healthier connections, not distancing yourself. Start by having open conversations with your loved ones. Explain that while you care deeply for them, you also need to take care of yourself. It might feel uncomfortable, but healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect. For example, if you’ve always been the person who organizes family gatherings, ask for help. If a friend always comes to you with their problems but never checks in on how you’re doing, let them know you need support, too. Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away; they’re about ensuring your relationships are balanced and that your needs are just as important as others.
3. Stop Feeling Guilty for Saying "No" One of the hardest things for a people-pleaser is saying "no," especially to loved ones. You might worry that they’ll be disappointed or think you’re being selfish. But saying "no" doesn’t mean you love them any less, it means you’re respecting your own limits. Guilt often comes from the belief that you must always be available to help. But constantly putting others first, especially when it’s expected and unappreciated, will only lead to resentment. Remember, saying "no" is not about being unkind, it’s about taking care of yourself. Next time you feel overwhelmed, give yourself permission to turn down a request. The people who genuinely care about you will understand that you have your own needs, too.
4. Reclaim Your Time and Energy When you spend most of your energy on other people, it can be easy to lose sight of what you want or need. Over time, this can lead to feeling unfulfilled or even burned out. Start by reclaiming time for yourself. This might mean setting aside regular moments in your day for activities that recharge you, whether it’s reading, exercising, or simply spending time alone. You deserve space for your own joy and growth. When you set boundaries and prioritize your own needs, you’re not only protecting your energy but also showing your loved ones that your time and well-being are valuable. Over time, they’ll learn to appreciate the effort you put in rather than taking it for granted.
5. Communicate Your Needs Clearly One of the reasons people-pleasers often feel taken for granted is that they don’t communicate their needs. You might assume that loved ones should "just know" when you need help or when you’re feeling overwhelmed. But often, they’re unaware because you’ve always been so willing to give. Being open about your needs is a crucial part of stopping the cycle of being taken for granted. Speak up when you’re feeling overburdened, and don’t be afraid to ask for support. For example:
- If your partner always expects you to manage household chores, have a conversation about dividing tasks more equally.
- If your friends constantly come to you with their problems but rarely offer to listen to yours, let them know you need them to be there for you as well.
- If family members lean on you to organize every holiday or gathering, ask them to take turns or share the responsibility.
Clear communication helps set expectations and ensures that you’re not the only one putting in effort.
6. Recognise Your Own Value One of the biggest traps of people-pleasing is tying your self-worth to how much you do for others. You might believe that in order to be loved or valued, you need to be constantly giving. But your worth isn’t determined by how much you help others—it comes from who you are as a person. When you recognize your own value, you’ll find it easier to set limits and avoid being taken for granted. You’ll understand that you deserve to be treated with respect and care, just as much as anyone else.
7. Surround Yourself with Balanced Relationships It’s important to evaluate the relationships in your life. Are they balanced, or are you always the one giving? While it’s natural to have moments where you give more, a healthy relationship involves both parties supporting each other. If certain relationships are consistently one-sided, it might be time to reconsider their place in your life. You deserve relationships where you feel valued and appreciated—not just for what you do, but for who you are.
Final Thought: It’s Okay to Prioritize Yourself—Even with Loved Ones It’s natural to want to help those we care about, but if you’re constantly putting others before yourself, it’s time to reassess. Being taken for granted by loved ones can be emotionally exhausting, but you have the power to change the dynamic. By setting boundaries, communicating your needs, and prioritizing your own well-being, you can stop feeling drained and start cultivating healthier, more balanced relationships. Remember, it’s not selfish to care for yourself, it's necessary. In fact, by taking care of your own needs, you’ll be able to offer more genuine, sustainable support to the people you love.
So next time you feel taken for granted, remind yourself: You deserve to be valued, too.
